I will be 55 in June, and I can tell you I think about sex A LOT. I find my mind drifting during the day to having intimate relations with a partner. I enjoy exploring new ways to make it more exciting, expanding my repertoire and abilities on pleasing my partner and ways he can please me. If you asked me, was I always like this, the answer is an unequivocal NO. Oh, I suppose when I was a teenager I had sex like a rabbit. I equate that to lust, excitement, and sex being new. Like getting a new toy, you want to play with it all the time. Then life happens.
There were the baby years when morning sickness and exhaustion took over. First, you are so sick as a pregnant momma that the thought of any movement makes you want to vomit. Then the bundle of joy arrives, and you are so consumed with the baby and getting into the groove of the new family unit. There seems to be no time for sex or even cuddling at that point. And do you even feel sexy anymore? Milk leaking from your once perky breasts, bags under your eyes, the baby weight you are still working off of your once-perfect body. None of your clothes fit, and back in my day, maternity clothes were not stylish. Let’s be honest, granny panties, don’t scream, come and get it, baby!
As soon as I started to get my groove back, I wanted another baby. Then the vicious cycle started all over again. By the time I had my two babies, my husband must have thought, what the hell have I gotten myself into. I was rushing through my days working full time, trying to be the best mom I could be, forgetting one of the essential marriage lessons — keep the sex life alive. Not only is sex important for your marriage, but it is also a vital ingredient for yourself. Sex is a healthy and natural part of life that should be giving its fair share of your attention.
I have spoken to many women, and it seems we all go through these scenarios. When we have been married for a long time we get bored or complacent. If we are divorced it is incredibly hard to find a safe way to explore and have fun. But we all want the same thing to be loved, touched, and cared for. We are not alone, and yet we feel so alone in our situations. It never ceases to amaze me with how alike we are. We all need that human touch, the human connection. We need to feel wanted and loved. We want to make our partner experience amazing things and, in turn, receive amazing things. We all should try new things and go out of our way to keep our sex lives relevant. We do, however, let life get in the way.
I know that I denied myself sex for many years for several reasons. I also knew that once I was divorced, I was ready to experiment and allow myself to enjoy things I had never done. I had always been shy and ashamed to do anything that was out of the ordinary, and quite frankly, I had limited experience since I had only been with my husband. Without getting too graphic (this is not a soft porn blog post), I set out to change that narrative. I wanted to be the best lover I could be, and in turn, I wanted to receive some of the best sex of my life. And because of this, sex has been on my mind for years now. I have been lucky enough now to say there has been some phenomenal sex, great cuddling, fantastic conversation. The one thing I am still missing is that one person that will continue to bring me to my knees not only in bed but be there for me emotionally and intellectually, my ride, or die—that one person who will spoon my cold butt and bring me breakfast in bed. So I guess what I am saying is I will continue to think about sex day and night and I am okay with that.
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