The Complex Male Psyche??*

Since the beginning of time, men and women have been trying to figure each other out. There have been several books written about the subject by psychiatrists, love doctors, and so-called experts. I consider myself a “so-called” expert on several topics, including “men.” Mostly because I am a man, and I’m pretty sure that I’ve got myself figured out. So I’ve decided to share what I know, about men, to all the women out there who continue to throw up their hands in frustration when trying to figure us out.

First of all, a man’s mind is not that complex. At any given moment, he’s usually thinking about food, sex, sports, or whether or not to trade in his Honda Civic for the new Ford F150. Many times, a man isn’t thinking about anything at all. His mind is capable of being completely blank. So ladies, if you ever find yourself asking your man what he’s thinking and he answers with “Oh…nothing”, it is possible that nothing is on his mind at that time. Or he’s trying to decide, in his head, who was the best NBA basketball player of all time…Jordan or LeBron? Hmmm…..or maybe Magic Johnson?

Secondly, the subject of sex is not that complex with men. Men are very visual, and sex is on our minds most of the time. That’s pretty much it. Foreplay isn’t that important, and “feelings” don’t usually get in the way. If we aren’t getting enough sexual gratification from our wife or girlfriend, we aren’t afraid of looking up some porn on pornhub and gratifying ourselves. And any time we’re watching a movie or sitting in a crowded coffee shop, we are unconsciously or consciously, sexually evaluating the women that we see. For the most part, we haven’t evolved much, mentally, from the stone age. Sex is a driving force in a man’s life that never goes away.

One other thing about men is that our brains are not capable of multitasking like a woman’s brain. We are, however, really good at focusing on a particular topic, just not multiple topics. We can’t be beaten when it comes to the singular thought process of deciding who could win in a fight between Captain Kirk and Jean Luc Picard. If you throw in a football game on TV, a pretty girl next to you…deciding who could win a fight between a bear and a kitten is impossible.

And lastly, men are not that good at expressing their feelings. It makes us feel a little uncomfortable when we try to tell a woman how we feel about them. Men are much better at showing a girl how they feel about them by taking them out to dinner or kissing them unexpectedly, or buying them a gift. If a man buys you a diamond necklace or a brand new car, he, really, really likes you. If he buys you a pair of jeans from Goodwill or a pair of shoes from Payless, he likes you a lot. Or maybe that’s all he can afford. I guess that’s a judgment call on your part.

One other thing. Men are just big boys. We like hanging out with our buddies, and we love our “toys”. If we’re “allowed” to indulge in our boyish proclivities from time to time, life is good for both the man and the woman.

* The preceding was a stereotypical comic satire. It by no means represents all men. Any resemblance to anyone that you may know is purely coincidental.

By Mike C


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