I knew from a very young age that I wanted to be a mom. I had it all planned out in my head. I would meet the perfect guy, he would ask me to marry him, we would have a boy and a girl and live happily ever after. The funny thing is that I did not grow up in that type of Leave It To Beaver family. I often wonder how I created my perfect life in my mind. Did I read it in a book (a good possibility), watch it on a sitcom, hear it in a song or envision it in my head because it was the complete opposite from what I was living?
Regardless of how I came up with my dream life, I was sure that was how everything was going to play out. When I wanted something, I usually found a way to make it happen. You could say I am strong-willed, determined, focused and a little feisty. At a young age when I looked into my future, at the big picture or as big as I could see it then, I knew what I wanted (or at least what I thought I did). It’s crazy to me now as I think back on myself at age 16, 26, 36, 46 and realize how much I didn’t know and thought I did.
It’s hard to be told something different than what you believe you know or want (you can reference my last post, “Trust me”). Part of life is to experience things in our own time and way. I know now everything I have experienced has made me who I am. For that I am grateful. The path I choose was limiting in many ways, but in others, it was an encyclopedia of knowledge that many people never acquire at such a young age.
I wouldn’t change the fact that I met and married my high school sweetheart. That union created the two most precious things in my life, my daughters. It taught me to manage a home, juggle a husband, full-time job and two children. Be stronger than I thought I could be, more giving and caring for others. I could love each child more than life itself, but completely different at the same time. I learned that I could do more than one thing at a time. I learned life isn’t fair, days are long, being a working mom is tough, and sacrifices must be made. I also realized that keeping a marriage happy and healthy is extremely hard and even when you give that relationship more than thirty years of your life, sometimes it can’t be saved. Sometimes people change, and you grow at different rates and in different directions.
People change, grow, stretch and expand. That’s not only necessary but forward moving and exciting. If we stayed the same, never expanded our knowledge, opened our eyes to new things, we would wither up and die like a flower without sun and water. The good news is when you are able to look back on your growth you will be amazed at the beauty of where you are today. Don’t be ashamed of where you were but be overjoyed of how far you have come. Always remember life is a journey, live it, embrace it and let change happen.
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