20/20 Vision

2020 was both the best and worst year of my life. It felt like it all started when Kobe and his daughter died in that heartbreaking helicopter crash towards the end of January. In late February, I was incredibly sick after an amazing trip to NYC. I hadn’t been that sick in many years and had to take a week off of work (little did we know that New York would turn out to be the epicenter of the COVID-19 pandemic in a few more weeks). And then in mid-March, the world shut down.

Around the same time, my 14-year-old dog Lola started experiencing health issues. Bizarre afflictions with names like ataxia, esophagitis, megaesophagus, and intervertebral disc disease. Lola was like a child to me, and I would do anything for her. I invested in frequent vet visits, doggy acupuncture, chiropractic care, laser therapy, healing touch for animals, physical therapy with an underwater treadmill, and animal communicators. You name it, we tried it!

That summer, during an emergency vet visit for acupuncture, the stars seemed to align. My holistic vet happened to be there on a Sunday with her intuitive friend Melinda, who does myofascial release bodywork treatments, as well as other healing modalities. In the desperate state that I was in, I asked if she could help my dog. Lola told her, “I’m fine, it’s my mom you need to help.” I hadn’t realized that I had become so burnt out and overwhelmed as a full-time caretaker for her while teaching from home during the pandemic. I spent so much time caring for Lola that I forgot to care for myself. Then, I realized that our pets are very sensitive to our energy and act as mirrors for us.

I started going in for bodywork, as they say that our emotions and trauma are stored in the fascia. I had a lot of big feelings that I needed to work through and release from my body. I also started practicing meditation, getting out into nature, and doing yoga and psychic development classes on Zoom. Although the pandemic was a very isolating time, I was able to feel a sense of community and support, and rebuild my trust in myself and in my body. I felt safe in my cocoon, at home, to process the things I needed.

Although Lola had some really miraculous recoveries, I could tell that her body was getting tired. I had been working on dealing with the anticipatory grief and getting ready to let her go. Lola had made it past her 15th birthday in May. She met every goal and milestone I asked of her, including waiting until we were able to manifest a puppy to come into our lives at the end of August. I could tell she was just holding on until I was ready.

Anyone who has ever had a pet knows how difficult it is to make that decision in the end. It’s so hard to know when the time is right. I think it’s similar to when you get married, you just seem to know when it’s right. And when the time came to let Lola go at the end of September. She let me know that she was ready, and I just knew that it was okay to let her go that day.

Affirmation

It is safe to let go.

I choose to see life as eternal.

l embrace the new levels of experience.

We are still connected.

All is well.

For so many years, my biggest fear was losing my dog and my dad (my two favorites). I didn’t think I was going to be able to handle the loss of my best friend and daily companion. When the time actually came, I was surprised at how well I handled it. I know that I couldn’t have gotten through the loss of Lola as gracefully as I did without the guidance and support of everyone the Universe had sent to help me. I was so grateful that I was able to spend the last six months of her life at home with her, caring for her, and spending time with her. Her transition was so peaceful, and I’m so glad she was able to share her energy with our new puppy Luna. Honestly, I couldn’t have planned the end of Lola’s life any better if I had tried.

Just as I thought I was finished with 2020, I realized that 2020 was not finished with me. On December 21st, the Winter Solstice and the darkest day of the year, I broke my wrist rollerblading and had to have surgery two days later. It was so surreal to be in the emergency room at the height of the pandemic, all alone because no one could accompany me. It was like the Universe was testing me. The first test was to deal with the emotional pain of losing Lola, and now this test was just pure physical pain. I knew that I was strong and courageous and that I could get through it.

Although they majorly sucked at the time, I really do credit both of these painful life events as the catalysts to my growth. Sometimes when you’re in a dark place, you think you’ve been buried, but you’ve actually been planted. Since I had stopped bleeding money on vet bills and treatments, I was able to invest that money in my self-care and healing, and I love the person that I have become today. My nervous system feels more regulated, I feel emotionally lighter, I trust my intuition, I’m able to set boundaries and speak my truth, I feel free to be my authentic self, and I have a deep trust that things are always working out exactly the way they are supposed to.

A few months after Lola passed away, my friends convinced me to attend a psychic medium gallery on Zoom. I had been talking to Lola but didn’t really know if she could hear me. Sure enough, Lola was the last guest to come through with my grandmother! She said everything I needed to hear, and this let me know that she could still hear me and that we were still connected. I became so much more open to noticing all the different signs and messages that Lola would send me. She often comes back to visit as a monarch butterfly. My father just turned 87, and now I don’t feel afraid when it’s his time to transition from physical to spiritual form. I know that we will still be connected, just as I still am with Lola and my other relatives that have crossed over.

Looking back now, I see that everything has fallen perfectly into place. Every challenge that I feared has sorted itself out at the right time. Life is magical when you live in divine flow. All the synchronicities I encounter daily help me to feel connected. I learned that with every ending comes a new beginning. I realize that the Universe is always working in my favor and that all I need to do is be willing to trust, surrender, and receive. Looking back, I see that hindsight really is 20/20.

 

By Rebecca D



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